Learn the reasons why your child might be throwing tantrums, having meltdowns, crying, screaming, hitting and showing other challenging behaviours.
In this post, you can read about the reasons for your child’s behaviour, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical.
Every parent has been there and has faced it.
Children’s behaviour can often surprise, scare or confuse us.
What seems like out of nowhere, they can suddenly find their little ones crying, screaming and being in a rage that often may last long and drain them.
Children do not know how to deal with emotions and unpleasant experiences.
When young, they can still not communicate what they want, need or feel with words, so they do it differently.
Similarly, children with special needs who are nonverbal or have problems with communication may struggle with telling us what is really going on.
Some children on Autism Spectrum are non-verbal and cannot express themselves through words and language.
These children may often have meltdowns, which are how they communicate with others.
In this post, you will learn about four reasons that lead to tantrums, meltdowns, tears or aggression.
You will also find out what you can do about it and how to attempt to prevent at least some of these behaviours.
Reasons for Tantrums and Tears
Every behaviour has a reason.
Children try to communicate something through their behaviour.
Younger ones that don’t speak yet, or older, nonverbal, use their behaviour to show us often what they want, need, or feel.
Here are four reasons your child throws tantrums, hits, cries or screams.
Read below to find out what these reasons are.
Reason #1 your child has Tantrums: Sensory Needs
Children may cry, scream, or throw tantrums because their sensory needs are unmet.
Some children might be more sensitive than others and may process sensory information differently.
You can read my post here about sensory processing disorder.
Often children might be over-stimulated.
It might be too noisy, too bright, or perhaps the texture of their clothes is causing them distress.
This post shows you many examples of sensory seeking and avoiding.
How your child might be experiencing whatever’s around them can sometimes be genuinely distressing.
A visit to a busy supermarket with lots of people, lights, scents and noises might be overwhelming for some children, for example.
All these stimuli might be causing them stress.
The first reaction, especially for a child unable to reason, will be fight or flight.
They often have no way of escaping (“flight”) the situation, so they will “fight” instead and throw a tantrum.
Although some children are fine in any environment, others might be stressed or upset because of the way they experience what they see, hear, smell or feel.
To avoid your child throwing a tantrum, try to avoid situations and places that can trigger them if possible.
If your child throws a tantrum every time you go to certain places or do certain things, try to think if they are trying to tell you that something is causing them stress.
Avoiding them will most likely let you prevent your child’s tantrums.
Reason #2 your child has Tantrums: to get Attention
Another reason your child might be showing problematic behaviour is to get attention.
Younger children, or often those with developmental delays or learning disabilities, are not fully aware of social dynamics.
They like attention because it makes them feel safe or entertained.
If they lose their parents’ attention, even for a while, they might try to do something to get it back.
Children are not self-centred; they feel good and safe if someone is actively interested in them.
They might even feel scared if the adults no longer focus on them.
The little ones might cry, hit, scream, or throw a tantrum to get attention.
It usually ensures that they get the attention back on them.
As a result, the parent might be annoyed or angry. Still, the child got their attention, which is essential to them.
What to do about it, then? We cannot give our children our attention 24/7.
It is not practical and not possible and might not do any good to them.
Instead, let’s prevent those moments when your child might be doing something challenging to get your attention.
You may wonder how.
Try to spend quality time with your child.
Sometimes 10 minutes of your full attention, engagement and interaction is better than an hour of you being physically next to your child and not interacting with them.
If you are playing with your child, make it meaningful, fun and exciting for them.
Be enthusiastic about it, and be genuinely interested in what your child is doing, saying or thinking.
Those little moments of quality time will assure your child that you care about them, and there is a chance the need for constant attention will reduce.
Reason #3 your child has Tantrums: to Escape
The reason that child mighty show problematic behaviour is trying to escape something.
They want to get out of the situation they are in.
Something might be causing them stress, discomfort, fear or pain, and they might be trying to get out.
Not knowing how to do it or how to communicate what they are experiencing, they might resort to crying, screaming, hitting etc.
When my son was a toddler, he hated public toilets because of the noise the dryers made.
He was scared of that noise.
Every time we had to use a public restroom (in a restaurant or at the airport, for example), he would scream, throw himself on the floor and cry.
He was trying to escape the noise that was distressing to him.
He would calm down right after we left the bathroom.
His challenging behaviour was gone after he “escaped” his stressors.
If your child is throwing a tantrum and you don’t know why – consider that perhaps they are trying to escape something challenging or uncomfortable.
It might not be something that you find uncomfortable.
Instead, it is them and the way they experience the world.
Some children might be more sensitive to a different thing.
Just because you can stand the noise, temperature, and smell of the place doesn’t mean your child will feel this way.
They might be genuinely upset and stressed.
Reason #4 for your child’s Tantrums: they Want Something.
Another reason for Tantrums and tears is that your child wants something.
It might be an object (a toy or sweets, for example), or they might want to do something or go somewhere.
They also might not want something fun and nice to end.
Children often feel helpless.
They do not have much control over their lives, routines and activities.
They sometimes would like to have more autonomy over what they do.
It is not always possible or even safe.
A child might want something, which is their way of saying they want more control.
If this is not possible, they may react with tantrums, crying, screaming or hitting.
We cannot cater to our child’s every wish, and it would be unwise to do it.
But we can try to limit their feeling powerless by offering them choices.
It is better and more practical to start with two options.
By making that decision, your child will have a tiny bit of control,” or at least this is what they think they have.
Try to be proactive and offer a choice beforehand if you know that wanting something may trigger your child’s problematic behaviour.
Other times you will have to pick your battles.
Consider your child’s request and analyse if it’s really that outrageous or impossible.
If you cannot give them what they want, try to explain to them way rather than just saying no.
It might be that your child will understand that something is unsafe, too expensive or impossible to get.
Try to empathise with them.
You may say:” I can see that you really want that toy, but we cannot buy it right now. The money I have right now is to buy milk and bread for us to eat later. Why don’t you put it on your Christmas wishlist instead?”
How to deal with tantrums
Disclaimer: The Site may contain links to affiliate websites, and we receive an affiliate commission for any purchases you make on the affiliate website using such links at no additional cost to you.
First, remember that there are things you can and cannot control.
If you observe your child, you can start seeing patterns in their behaviour.
Does it always happen at the same place, at the same time or with the same things around?
Pay attention to what happens before the tantrum and what makes your child calm down.
Knowing these things, you can prepare yourself and your child or avoid certain things or places that may trigger challenging meltdowns.
If your child has tantrums in busy and noisy places, you may try to avoid them.
You may also distract your child with a fidget toy or get them ear defenders.
Trying to get to know your child and predicting their outbursts may help you avoid them.
If helpful, you can start writing down the duration and circumstances of your child’s tantrum to see if a pattern emerges.
Remember to pay attention to what happens before and after the outburst.
If, for example, your child’s meltdown stops after leaving a busy and noisy supermarket, it means they want to escape the situation.
The escape was the reason behind their behaviour.
I know it is tough, and have been there, but try to be empathetic.
Your child is not having a meltdown to make your life miserable.
They are unable to communicate their needs differently because they might be very young or have difficulties in communicating like, for example, some Autistic children do.
These were some of the reasons your child might have tantrums.
They are not the only reasons.
Your child might be in pain, ill, bored or tired.
I hope you can see how important it is to get to know your child well and try to be empathetic to anticipate or prevent tantrums.
Let me know in the comments why your child might be having meltdowns, outbursts and tears.
Pin it!
