All children lie from time to time, but those with ADHD often have a habit of not telling the truth.
There is no scientific evidence that children with ADHD lie more often than non-ADHD children.
However, there are many reasons your child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder might be lying, but they are not doing it to deceive or because they are malicious.
Children with ADHD tend to lie, but it is not ADHD that produces deceptive behaviour in them.
In my post, I will tell you about 14 reasons why your child with ADHD might be lying.
You will also find out what you can do about it and how to try to minimise it.
Frequent and repeated lying may cause difficulties, conflict and family problems.
It will frustrate the parents or carers and the child themselves and may lead to lower self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.
Knowing the reasons and patterns of your child’s lying will help you support them and empower them to try and minimise their lying habits.
14 reasons your child with ADHD lies:
As you will see below, most lying happens because of executive function skills problems.
The prefrontal cortex controls executive functions.
Some scientists observed that this part of the brain does not mature and harden in children with ADHD simultaneously as in other children.
Executive functions are impulse control, inhibition (self-control) and working memory. We need these skills to control our impulsivity, for organising, planning, starting, managing and staying on task.
Another research shows that the parts of the brain responsible for cognitive functions are smaller in people with ADHD.
Below are the 14 reasons your child’s ADHD implications may cause them to lie:
1. They struggle with impulsivity.
The first reason your child with ADHD lies is that they are impulsive.
Your child with ADHD will not always be able to stop and think before they act or do something.
They often get in trouble and lie, trying to cover it up. In this case, lying can quickly become a habit.
Impulse control is part of the executive function, and children with ADHD struggle with them because their brains work slightly differently.
Because they are impulsive, lying is often uncontrollable, and they don’t mean to or want to lie.
2. They struggle with sequencing.
Another reason your child with ADHD lies is a problem with sequencing.
Sequencing is about the order of things when performing a task.
For example, when washing your hands, you first need to turn the tap on, wet the hands, put soap on them, and rub and rinse.
Sequencing is one of the elements of executive functions.
When finding a task challenging due to problems with sequencing, your child might lie about doing it or cover up the fact that they didn’t do it.
3. They struggle with starting tasks.
Your child with ADHD lies? They may be struggling with tasks.
It might be difficult for your child to start a task.
They might be reluctant to do their homework, a chore, or a small, everyday job.
They might lie to avoid doing them.
Or they may lie because they didn’t do it.
After all, starting the task was too challenging for them.
And again, it is because of the issues with executive functions in the brain.
4. They lie to cope with the challenges of having ADHD.
Why does your child with ADHD lie?
Lying is a way of coping with the challenges that ADHD brings to them.
They may try to avoid facing the difficulties (those challenges that having ADHD causes), and they may not want to ask for help, so they lie.
5. They get distracted.
Another reason that your child with ADHD lies is that they get distracted.
ADHD causes problems with attention, so it is easy for your child to get distracted by even the most minor thing.
They might then forget what they were supposed to do and then lie about it not to get in trouble.
6. They have difficulties with staying on task.
Your child with ADHD lies because they have difficulties with staying on task.
They find it challenging to stay on task because of problems with executive functioning.
Your child might find it difficult to carry out an activity or a job till the end.
Not having support to stay on task, they might abandon it, give up, and lie about it.
Because of their problems with planning and organising, they might know that they are not good at something, so they will lie to avoid it.
7. They lie to avoid responsibility.
A child with ADHD might find some tasks boring and not challenging enough, so it will be difficult for them to start and persevere till the end.
They may then choose not to do the task and lie about it to avoid the responsibility.
An example that many parents can relate to is avoiding doing chores.
8. They have poor attention.
Your child with ADHD may be lying because of poor attention.
When talking to your child, they might not be paying attention to you.
They might not register what you were saying.
They can quickly and spontaneously make something up in response to your requests.
9. They have problems with memory, especially working memory.
Another reason why children with ADHD lie is problems with memory.
You may ask your child to do something, and they can quickly forget what you say.
They might then tell you that you never said anything because they genuinely don’t remember.
10. They are stressed.
Lying when your child is stressed has also to do with their impulsivity.
Under stress and unable to think clearly, they might quickly lie to avoid responsibility or to achieve or get something.
Stress may lead to Anxiety. If you want to know more about ADHD and Anxiety, read my post here.
11. They make promises they cannot keep.
Your child with ADHD may lie because of the promises they made and cannot keep.
Because they are impulsive and may say YES to something without thinking, children with ADHD have to lie because they cannot keep their promises.
12. They have low self-esteem.
Children with ADHD know they struggle and often get in trouble, but they want to be like other kids and fit in, so they might lie unintentionally.
13. They have trouble expressing themselves.
Your child with ADHD might often forget what they were saying or someone else told them. It all may look inconsistent, but they are confused.
They may then lie as a result of miscommunication.
They may even notice and know that they lied and try to cover it up with another lie.
14. They find managing time challenging.
Due to their problems with executive functions in the brain and troubles with planning, organising and managing tasks, children with ADHD might quickly lose track of time.
They then may lie to cover it up.
What can you do about it?
- Remember that it is not personal, and your child is likely not trying to be disrespectful. Instead, empathise and avoid being harsh. They will feel safe and lie less if they have more confidence and your support. Avoid overreacting; they don’t mean to lie.
- You can help by helping to manage ADHD symptoms. Depending on your child’s treatment and support, it might be medication or behavioural therapy. You may want to talk to your doctor about changing or adjusting treatments.
- They are less likely to lie if they do a good job. Help them organise their workload and tasks so they can be successful. They may need help organising their workspace, breaking tasks into chunks, and maintaining their work area clutter and distraction-free. You can help by keeping track of what they do.
- Try to ensure that they have consistent and fair consequences if they lie. It is crucial to confront the lie even if you understand that they don’t mean to do it but try to stay calm.
- When talking to your child or asking them to do something, ensure you have their full attention first, as they can easily be distracted. If they are not listening, they are more likely to lie. Reduce distraction so your child can focus. Slow down when you speak to them, and give them time to process and think before responding.
- Try to look for patterns in their lying. It may give you an idea of where they struggle so that you can target your help. So, for example, if they lie to avoid doing homework, try to support them in organising their work. You may break it down into chunks and supervise them to ensure they are on task.
- Try not to shame your child for lying. Instead, talk to them about the importance of trust and why lying is wrong.
- If stress causes them to lie, try to reduce it. Provide your child with breaks when doing tasks. You might try introducing brain breaks when doing homework.
- Try to explicitly teach them organising skills and techniques so they know and remember how to use them when needed.
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- If problems with attention and focusing cause your child to lie, you may want to try some supplements. Remember to discuss it with your doctor first. I tried this one before for my children.
- Being transparent with your child and explaining their ADHD to them may help to make them aware of why they may lie. It may boost their self-confidence and well-being, knowing it is not their fault that they lie. A good way of letting your child get familiar with their ADHD is having them read about it in a child-friendly language. This book might be helpful for your child with ADHD if they want to learn more about it.
As you can see, children with ADHD may lie because their brains are wired differently, and they may be more impulsive, less attentive, and more organised. Their struggles may often lead to lying to avoid getting in trouble, cover up something they have or haven’t done or avoid doing something.
Your empathy, understanding and patience will help you support your child.
I hope you found this post helpful. Let me know in the comments if your child lies sometimes and what you do to help them.
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