This post features six reasons why your child is difficult. Read about what might hide behind your child being problematic. Learn why your child might be difficult and what to do about it.
What is a “difficult” child?
Have you been asking yourself why your child is so difficult?
All children might have challenging behaviour from time to time, and it is normal.
No one is perfect, and we all have bad days and face challenges, obstacles and disappointments.
Children might get upset or frustrated sometimes and act out as a result.
But what if your child is constantly making you ask yourself, “what is wrong? Why is my child so difficult all the time?
Although there are no good or bad children, some might make their parents feel like they are hard work.
From the moment they wake up till when they go t bed, they constantly have tantrums, meltdowns or act out.
They might also have always problems with getting along with other children, arguing with everyone, or being unable to share or wait for their turn.
How common is problematic behaviour?
Some children might constantly lie and be stubborn or obsessive.
They might always ignore you, talk back, or react angrily.
These behaviours are not uncommon for children.
They are constantly growing, developing and trying to learn the world’s rules.
There are reasons to worry.
However, suppose these behaviours happen all the time, every day and all day, and interfere with your family life. In that case, they might affect you and your child.
Are they really difficult?
So, when your child is “difficult”, are they really that?
I haven’t met a child who would be mean or evil.
These problematic behaviours happen for a reason.
Very often, it is through the behaviour that your child tries to communicate something with you else.
Suppose you think that your child is difficult. In that case, they might instead be affected by a condition or another issue, causing them to behave this way.
Below are six possible reasons why your child is “difficult”.
1. Having ADHD might be the reason why your child is difficult
If you think your child is difficult, they might have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
If your child doesn’t listen, argues, is impulsive, and lies, it might be ADHD, as these are some symptoms.
Children with ADHD have problems with executive functioning, so it is difficult for them to control themselves.
They might have a sudden outburst or say something rude before stopping and thinking first.
You may also notice that they don’t get along with other children and find it difficult to make friends and maintain friendships.
If you want to read more about ADHD and its symptoms, check my posts here and here.
Another condition that resembles ADHD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
It will also present in your child not listening, arguing, having tantrums and being defiant and “difficult”.
Read here about it and other conditions that look like ADHD.
2. Autism may be the reason why your child’s behaviour is difficult
Another possible reason your child might come across as problematic is that they are on the Autism Spectrum.
Autism Spectrum Disorder, also known as Autism Spectrum Condition, might affect your child’s social and communicational skills.
Autistic children might often have difficulties communicating what they need, feel or want and have tantrums and meltdowns out of frustration.
They will get upset quickly if no one can understand and read them.
Autistic children also often have problems with sensory processing.
Children on the Autism Spectrum may constantly be overstimulated and overwhelmed by all the sensory information and input.
They might be sensitive to certain sounds, textures, and lights and be genuinely scared by them.
It may cause them to act out and have meltdowns, tantrums or shut down.
3. Having Bipolar Disorder might be a reason why your child is difficult
Bipolar disorder is another condition that may cause your child to be “difficult.”
It is a mood disorder.
It causes mood swings and may make a person extremely happy or low.
An imbalance of chemicals in the brain is responsible for bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder will cause a child to, for example, have problems with staying focused, have issues sleeping, be irritable or have aggressive outbursts.
They might argue, talk back, have tantrums and refuse to listen to you.
Bipolar disorder is a type of personality disorder.
It is different in its classification from ADHD or Autism, which are types of neurodiversity.
Bipolar disorder can, however, be comorbid (coexist together) to them.
Please read my post here to find out more about bipolar disorder and other conditions resembling or comorbid to ADHD.
4. Sensory issues may cause your child’s difficult behaviour
We all receive information from our senses all day long, and our brain works hard to process it.
If sensory information is not processed smoothly, there might be issues with sensory processing.
It will result in problems and cause your child to be distracted, upset, uncomfortable, or confused.
I have dedicated a whole post to sensory processing issues here. It is very informative, so please read it to find out more.
Sensory processing issues or disorders might overwhelm your child, scare them or stress them.
As a result, they might often scream, have tantrums, and avoid or refuse to do something or go somewhere.
Your child might appear difficult when they refuse to put their clothes on, for example.
But it might be caused by the issues with the texture and fit of the clothes that upset them.
They may also refuse to eat the food you offer them and protest with a tantrum.
You may need to realise they may have sensory issues with the food’s texture, temperature or taste.
5. Emotional difficulties might be a cause of your child’s problematic behaviour
Suppose your child is acting out and shows problematic behaviour. In that case, they might have some emotional difficulties and don’t know how to express themselves.
They are only young and still learn about the world around them, which might be challenging to navigate through.
Children might not be sure about how they feel about themselves.
They face different feelings and emotions every day.
Kids learn how to make friends and the feelings that come with it: happiness, disappointment, and embarrassment.
Being out there in the big world may cause them fear and anxiety.
All these emotions might feel big and difficult to manage.
Your little one might not even be sure what they feel.
All these might cause frustration, fatigue, or even anxiety and cause them to act out, have tantrums, and lash out.
You are their safe haven and a secure base where they can go after a long and challenging day and try to get rid of all these weird feelings and emotions.
And because they still don’t know how to do it in a way that grown-ups do (or at least are supposed to) by talking, they will have meltdowns, tantrums or react with their behaviour.
6. It is not them; it is you.
It might be a difficult one for you to read about and face.
Sometimes our children are difficult because of us. How we are, react, and everything going on in our lives might affect our children and their behaviour.
Sometimes we might be busy with our lives, work and daily issues that preoccupy us.
We might be physically there with our children but not fully present.
Our minds might wander off and engage with our thoughts and problems.
Sometimes children acting out is their cry for our attention.
Another time it might be the stressful and busy environment we create.
And we mean well. We work hard to ensure our children have everything they need and all the extra things and activities.
But because we are so busy and absorbed with everything we do for our children, we don’t realise that we create stress and sometimes even chaos.
It might affect our children negatively and affect how they regulate themselves.
They might show difficult behaviour in response.
What to do about your child’s difficult behaviour?
Identify the reason
Now that you have learned what may cause your child to appear difficult, try to be a detective and investigate what’s causing it.
Write down your child’s behaviours, reactions and situations when it happens.
Are there other symptoms that might indicate something else is causing the behaviour?
As soon as you can work out what it is, read more about it and educate yourself.
The more you know about the root of the problem, the easier it will be to find the solution.
I know how tiring it is when your child doesn’t listen, gets angry and has tantrums- all you want is for them to stop.
You have no energy for anything because their behaviour is draining it.
But remember that the behaviour is their way of communicating that something is wrong.
Try to make an effort and read between the lines. What is it that they are trying to communicate to you?
Reflect on your behaviour
Try to be mindful of how you interact with your child. Stand back and think about the way you respond to them.
I know it is hard to find empathy when you are so tired of their behaviour. But try to be patient.
Ask yourself if the demands you are making on your child are reasonable.
Remember, they are only children and might not have developed the same skills and thinking as grown-ups.
The more you know about child development, the more you can understand what is appropriate for certain ages.
It will be pointless to ask and expect your three-year-old to do their shoelaces or wipe their bottom correctly, for example.
You might save yourself and your child unnecessary frustration if you know what you can expect from them in their development stage.
I hope this post has been helpful and that you can see your child’s difficult behaviour and what to do about it.
Please let me know in the comments what you consider a difficult child.
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